Lifestyle

MOTHER’S DAY: Mom Was Smarter than I Thought
Matthew 16:24

This past week, I had one of those bittersweet experiences that are a part of every life. After church last Sunday I drove down to Southern California to spend a few days with my dad so that he wouldn’t be alone as he moved toward the first anniversary of his bride’s and my mom’s death on May 9. We took flowers to her gravesite, we both agreed that it’s hard to believe that she’s been gone a year and we also agreed that she was an amazing woman with whom we were truly blessed to share our lives.

And it didn’t really take very much reflecting for me to begin to hear her voice saying things like:

--“Don’t you use that tone of voice with me young man.”

--And an all-time favorite, “You just wait till your dad gets home.” Always hated that one.

But as I look back from the perspective of middle age, I’ve come to realize an undeniable truth, namely, that mom was smarter than I thought. And now that she’s been gone for a year, I find that the memory of her unwavering guidance is a sweet and treasured memory. So, this morning, I want to re-visit with you some of the words of wisdom that my mom was so faithful to impress upon me as I was growing up. Words that made a profound impact for the better upon my life.

I’ll begin with the one that was, without a doubt, my least favorite: “As long as you live in this house…” Does that ring a bell with anyone? I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hated that phrase. But I can tell you precisely why I hated it. 3 Reasons:

Number One—I hated it because it immediately ended whatever argument we were having.

Number Two—I hated it because it ended the argument in her favor.

Number Three—(and this was the worst) I hated it because I knew she was right.

The bottom line here was real clear: Her house…her rules. And my options were equally clear: adapt or relocate. Folks, you just can’t get much clearer than that. What wasn’t clear to me at the time was the lesson she was teaching me. A lesson that I now realize was deeply rooted in the word and the wisdom of God. It was a lesson designed to teach me the value of “submission.”

Jesus’ version of the lesson is found in Matthew 16:24, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

Folks, that’s a tough lesson. In fact, I would submit to you that it might just be the toughest lesson of all. Self-denial, humility and submission are totally contrary to our human nature. Everything in us naturally compels us to always seek whatever it is that we want. And I resisted learning the “submission lesson” with all of my might. But I finally got it. Not perfectly and not completely, because this is a lesson that we have to confront over and over again every day. Nonetheless, I did finally get it and I want you to know that this lesson has yielded blessings in my life that I could never have imagined.

--How incredibly liberating it has been to be freed of the burden of always having to get my own way.

--What a delight it has been to discover that my happiness does not depend on always getting what I want.

--What a joy it is to experience the Holy Spirit empowering you to simply let go of an issue and then move on without grumbling or complaining.

--And how deeply satisfying it has been to be able to distinguish between being true to a core value or simply being held hostage by a stubborn self-will.

And all of those blessings were made possible by learning the value of submission. And make no mistake about this—those who don’t learn how to deny themselves; those who don’t learn the value of submission pay a heavy price and cause a lot of damage.

--How many marriages do you suppose have ended because someone decided they were going to have their way no matter what it cost?

--How many friendships do you suppose have been severed because someone refused to let go of an issue that didn’t get resolved to their liking?

Jesus said, If you want to be my disciple you’ve got to deny yourself and follow me.
Mom said, As long as you live in this house…

Two teachers. One lesson. And my life has been immeasurably blessed by learning the value of submission.

Another word of wisdom that mom shared with me often was this: “You are not getting up from that table until you have eaten everything on your plate.”

For those of you who know me, I imagine that it’s hard to believe that there was ever a time in my life when I had to be coerced to eat. But, in fact, it’s true. I was an incredibly picky eater as a child. Consequently, dinnertime, in our house, frequently became a battleground with me trying to leave the table and my mom telling me that I wasn’t going anywhere until I’d eaten everything on my plate. Oftentimes she would expand her admonition with an obscure reference to starving children in China. Apparently they were somehow going to be less hungry if I cleaned my plate. I never did get that one.
As a child, this nightly dinnertime battle was very frustrating to me. I simply could not understand my mom’s preoccupation with the few remaining bites of food resting comfortably on my plate. How would life be diminished if they were simply thrown away? How would life be improved if I ate them?

The significance of this lesson completely eluded me at the time. Many years later I finally discovered that this lesson, too, was rooted in the word and the wisdom of God. You see, the lesson wasn’t really about food at all. It was about a foundational biblical principle called, “stewardship.” This was a lesson designed to teach me the value of being a good and faithful steward.

Psalm 24:1 says, “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it.”

In other words, every good thing that we experience in life, big or small, is a blessing from God. Even life itself is a gift from God.

“The earth…everything in it…all who live in it…” Everything has God as its source. Not us. God. Not some. Everything.

--“Well, what about the things I’ve produced with my own hands?” Who gave you your hands?

--“Well, what about everything I’ve accomplished in life?” Who gave you your life?

Folks, the truth is, we don’t own anything. The earth…everything in it…all who live in it—it all belongs to God. We simply manage what God has entrusted to us. And what my mom was teaching me at the table is that we don’t waste what God has given us. As stewards, we are always accountable to God for the way we manage what He has entrusted to us. Whether it’s a big thing like our life or a small thing like a few bites of food. God’s blessings are not to be wasted.

--God has given you one life; live it wisely.

--God will bring wonderful people into your life; treasure every relationship.

--God has gifted you to serve Him; use your gifts to bring Him glory.

--God will bless you with financial resources; manage them according to His standards and purposes.

The Psalmist said, The earth and everything in it is the Lord’s.
Mom said, You’re not getting up from that table until… Two teachers. One lesson. And my life has been immeasurably blessed because I learned the importance of being a good steward.

Another word of wisdom that mom shared with me often was this: “So, if everyone decided to jump off a bridge, I suppose you’d jump off, too.”

I hated that one. And the worst part about getting hit with that particular pearl of wisdom was that 9 times out of 10 I brought it on myself by offering up some variant of, “But, mom, everyone else is doing it.”

Now, to my youthful way of thinking the logic here was flawless. If 9 out of 10 moms have already signed off on this particular activity and my mom was the lone hold out then, clearly, the problem was with her. But do you know what? Even though the logic was flawless, it never swayed my mom. Never.

Why? Well, at the time I was convinced that her only motivation was to ruin my day. Clearly, she found some perverse pleasure in my misery. Only years later did I discover that this lesson too was firmly rooted in the word and the wisdom of God. She really wasn’t trying to ruin my day, at all. She was trying to introduce me to the concept of personal responsibility.

--She was teaching me about autonomy.

--She was teaching me about the wise exercise of free will.

--She was teaching me that even if everyone around me makes a wrong decision that I, in fact, am still free to make the right decision.

--She was challenging me to take personal responsibility for my decisions and the consequences that result from those decisions.

Jesus taught the very same lesson to his disciples. In Matthew 16:13-17 says this:
When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that Son of man is?”

They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”
Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the son of the living God.”
Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah…”

--Blessed are you for not being swayed by the crowd.

--Blessed are you for listening to God’s voice over the voice of all others.

“Blessed are you.” And blessed am I because of a mother who refused to parent by popular opinion and, in doing so, taught me that I am accountable to God for the decisions that I make.

Jesus asked, Who do you say I am?

Mom asked, So are you going to jump just because they do?

Two teachers. One lesson. And my life has been immeasurably blessed because I learned the importance of personal responsibility.

I could go on and on talking about mom’s many spoken jewels but, for the sake of time I’ll close with just one more. These are, without a doubt, the most important words I ever heard my mother speak. They are also, without a doubt, the words that I will forever associate most closely with my mom. And I never got tired of hearing them: “I love you.”

Every day she lavished those words on me. And, believe me, there were many days when she would have been perfectly justified to have had a change of heart. But she never did. In fact, she never even wavered. Not one time in my life did I question for a moment the security of my place in my mother’s heart. She loved me. I didn’t have to earn her love and there was no way for me to lose her love.

And her unconditional love of me laid the foundation that made it possible for me to learn the most valuable lesson of my life. And that is that God also loves me unconditionally. And that’s the way He loves you, too. No need to earn it. No way to lose it. God loves you. Period. End of sentence.

Romans 5:8 says it like this, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

--Before there was anything lovable about us, God already loved us.

--When we were doing everything we could to keep Him out of our lives and out of our sight, even then God loved us.

--And even after we come to know Him and continue to do things that break his heart; even then He continues to love us. Frankly, I can’t explain it. But I know it’s possible because that’s also the way my mom loved me.

In his book, Lost in Wonder, Love and Praise John Killinger includes this poem to mothers.

I believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God, who was born of the promise to a virgin named Mary. I believe in the love Mary gave her Son that caused her to follow him in his ministry and stand by his cross as he died. I believe in the love of all mothers, and its importance in the lives of the children they bear. It is stronger than steel, softer than down, and more resilient than a green sapling on the hillside. It closes wounds, melts disappointments, and enables the weakest child to stand tall and straight in the fields of adversity. I believe that this love, even at its best, is only a shadow of the love of God, a dark reflection of all that we can expect of him, both in this life and the next. And I believe that one of the most beautiful sights in the world is a mother who lets this greater love flow through her to her child, blessing the world with the tenderness of her touch and the tears of her joy.

My prayer for the mom’s among us, today, is that you will love your children in a way that helps them to discover the love of God. And if you are struggling in that task, remember that you are not alone. Ask God to help you be the mother that He wants you to be. That’s a prayer that God delights in answering.

And my prayer for the dad’s among us, today, is this—that you will love your wife in such a way that you ease the awesome task of motherhood that rests on her shoulders. I pray that you will love your wife in a way that supports her in her role as mom and that lets her know that you appreciate her for all that she does.

And my prayer for the children among us…young and old…is this:

For those of you we were/are blessed with mom’s whose love for you reflected/reflects the love of God, I pray that you’ll find some appropriate way, today, to express your gratitude to your mom and to your God.

And for those of you who were not so blessed. Your mom didn’t love you with a God-like love. I pray that you, too, will be grateful. Why? Because in spite of your mom’s short-comings, you’re still here, today. You’re here, drawn by God, to this place where God’s love is available to you. God has drawn you here so that you can receive from Him the love you didn’t receive from your mother.
So, let’s all give thanks.